


You Are Good Enough

by ShanTechNi



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanTechNi/pseuds/ShanTechNi
Summary: Mihashi has gotten to the point where he fully trusts and believes in his team. Which is why, one day, when he wakes up with a big ol' case of self-hate, he's confused and scared. And so, he does what he knows how to do: ignore it and hope it goes away.





	1. Internal Demons

**Author's Note:**

> AbeMiha prompt/headcanon I accidentally wrote a fanfic about. Takes place after Season 2. Wasn’t planning to do so much. It’s not even that good, not beta read or anything, but it’s okay enough that I feel like posting it, so here ya go! The first chapter isn't as good as the second in my opinion, but it's good enough.

Everyone on the Nishiura baseball team knows about Mihashi’s rough period with his middle school team from Mihoshi. And naturally, they don’t want him to feel restrained by those days. So they support him and help him become a better pitcher as much as they can, even going as far to say to him as often as possible that he’s a good pitcher and that he’s needed by the team (which isn’t a lie). That, in turn, makes Mihashi treasure everyone and everything they do for him. He trusts them and hopes to be reliable to them whenever he’s needed. Anytime his mind goes to a dark place, he immediately remembers the honest words and actions from everyone.

Which is why one day, when he wakes up to get ready for practice, he’s confused. Confused because he feels off and down. He can’t stop talking down on himself. He tries to remind himself that the team doesn’t think badly of him and that he’s changed at least a little since coming to Nishiura, but it doesn’t work.

He tries to act normal at practice and hopes he doesn’t gain anyone’s attention, for fear that the team might hate him for feeling like this again. He stops and thinks to himself, _I shouldn’t be scared. They don’t hate me_. But that doesn’t do much to deter his mind from making him anxious.

A few members asked if something was wrong, but didn’t press too much. The first is obviously Abe since Mihashi’s pitches are weaker and less accurate than usual, though not by much.

“Ren,” he says in a stern yet gentle voice, “is something wrong?”

Mihashi immediately replies, “No! I’m fine.”

 _It’s obvious you just lied_ , Abe thinks to himself. But tries to hold his frustration back. _Well, we did just get back from taking exams_.

“Are you still tired from the exams?”

“N-No! I’m just…having an off day?”

_An off day?_

He doesn’t believe Mihashi, who looks almost as nervous as when they first met, but knows he probably won’t get anywhere with him acting like this. He’s also trying to avoid raising his voice at the pitcher lately. Abe decides to let the matter go and assume he’ll get better as the day goes on or at least by tomorrow.

 _I didn’t mean to say what I said, I panicked_ , Mihashi thinks to himself solemnly. But he hopes no one else asks.

That wish is very short-lived. Tajima is next to ask, then Sakaeguchi and Izumi, the three being the main ones to jump to his aid the quickest. Mihashi answered the same way he answered Abe and they didn’t press him too much.

Once again, he tries to convince himself everything is okay. And once again, it doesn’t work. All day in fact. He still feels bad.

Abe is noticably concerned, but sticks with his earlier decision to let Mihashi handle himself, remembering how everyone on the team would say he’s too bossy and bothersome (mainly Hanai and Izumi).

Once practice is over with and they’ve got their things together, everyone says their byes for the day and go their separate ways.

 _Maybe once I get some sleep, the bad thoughts will go away,_ Mihashi thinks. In the back of his head, he knows they’ll still be there, but he tries to ignore it.

#################

The next day arrives, and wouldn’t you know it, the thoughts haven’t gone away. _I couldn’t sleep well_ , Mihashi thinks to himself, _and the thoughts sound louder_.

Still hoping he doesn’t concern anyone about his condition, he makes his way to practice and does the usual greeting, trying his best to sound normal. It seems that yesterday’s events were gonna repeat themselves, albeit to a more heated degree.

Only difference is that Abe hadn’t even caught Mihashi’s pitches yet, but already knows something is wrong just from looking.

“Ren!” Abe yells from afar to get Mihashi’s attention, and get it he does. Mihashi was so out of it that he jumped 5 feet in the air at Abe's booming voice.

 _Tch. I can already tell he’s not any better compared to yesterday. I’ll ask anyway_ , Abe thinks to himself.

“Are you feeling any better?”

Mihashi hesitantly says “I-I’m fine.”

But Abe immediately shoots back with, “Are you sure?”

Hoping Mihashi would give him at least a little to work with, he adds, “Look, it’s obvious that you’re not feeling well. You said you're not feeling tired from exams or anything, so can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Taking a moment to answer, Mihashi replies with, “Nothing’s wrong, A-Abe-kun.”

Ignoring the fact that he’s **still** not used to using his first name, he notices that he’s reverted back to his nervous habit of shrinking away, Abe is about ready to do his routine noogie. But stops himself, knowing that’s really not gonna help and is the opposite of what he’s trying to do to the pitcher.

Lost as to what to do, Abe decides to just walk away like yesterday. _It pains me to leave Mihashi to himself when he’s obviously not okay. I’ll just confront him after practice. Best not to cause a scene and make him worse than he already is_.

The team, who was eavesdropping on their conversation, are surprised and concerned Abe is holding back so much. Not only does Abe keeping to himself not make anything happen, but Mihashi not talking doesn’t give him any answers.

They go to Mihashi after Abe walks away and try to get him to talk. But just like yesterday, he refused to say anything.

Even Coach Momo and Mr. Shiga asked him, but he still tries to convince everyone he’s fine.

 _I’m fine_ , he tells himself.  _But it feels that the more I tell myself that, the worse I feel. Not only do the thoughts get louder, but they’re more frequent. I’m scared…_

Everyone can tell Mihashi isn’t well, he isn’t pitching as good and is playing pretty poorly. Everyone is expecting Abe to deal with him, but Abe seems keen on not bothering Mihashi, to the teams frustration. Once practice is over with, the team decides to talk to Abe about the situation, with Mihashi oblivious to them.

Tajima being the first to get straight to the point, starts with, “Oi, Abe! What’re you doing avoiding Mihashi like he’s the plague or something?”

Abe, who was holding back his anger all day, unleashes it all right then and there, “Huh!? No I am not! Why the hell are you guys trying to get mad at me when Ren is the one who isn’t saying anything!?”

“Because it’s your job as the catcher to handle your pitcher!” Izumi jumps in.

“And if he’s not willing to say anything, then I can’t do much!”

Sakaeguchi then thinks of something.

“Hey Abe, are you avoiding Mihashi because of what we said?”

“Huh?”

“Oh yeah,” Hanai comes in, “we said you should stop being so bossy and nagging.”

Abe, remembering this, answers with, “Yeah, and I’m doing just that. Even then though, I don’t think Ren’s gonna say anything.”

Coach Momo, overhearing their conversation, jumps in and asks, “Did you try to be more forceful with getting him to talk? I understand you trying to improve your relationship with him, but if he’s not willing to talk, you’re gonna have to step in.”

“I think he’s just scared of yelling at him,” Izumi says in a slightly joking manner.

“I am **not**!” Abe shoots back.

 _You’re obviously in denial_ , the whole team thinks.

“Look, either way, you need to do something. He’s getting worse. And if I have to step in, there’s gonna be consequences for you and him” Momo says in a threatening tone.

Abe, finally convinced, says, “Y-Yes ma'am.”

“Okay then,” she says in a much more cheerful tone, “go get changed and go home! I’ll see you all tomorrow morning!”

Once she leaves, Abe says, “I’ll stay behind with him since it looks like he’s gonna take a while to finish getting changed. The rest of you can go once you’re finished.”

The team, not seeing any problems with the idea, agree.

Little does Abe know the emotional rollercoaster he’s gonna ride once he’s alone with Mihashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! That’s all I’m gonna put for in the first chapter!


	2. Confronting the Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you found out in the last chapter, Abe plans to finally confront Mihashi by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in the notes of the last chapter, I tried to post the whole thing on Tumblr but had to split it up, and in turn decided to make this whole thing a two-chapter story.

After deciding to talk to Mihashi on his own, Abe and the rest of the team make there way to the changing rooms, where Mihashi barely got his shirt off being too lost in thought.

Abe, realizing that he's partially at fault for Mihashi feeling like this for so long, spends his time thinking of how to strike up the conversation between them while everyone else gets changed and starts leaving the room.

"Hey," Hanai says to get Abe's attention, "make sure to lock up." he says while handing him the key.

"Don't mess this up!" Tajima and Izumi say in unison.

"Thanks, good work today!"

"Good work!" everyone says in reply.

After making sure everyone has left, Abe turns his attention back to Mihashi, who finally finished changing and was getting his stuff together.

"Ren."

Jumping slightly, Mihashi turns his attention to Abe, who's wearing a worried face, bringing pain to Mihashi.

"W-What is it?"

"You already know what I'm gonna ask, but I'll say it anyways: What is wrong with you?"

Before Mihashi could even think of answering, Abe goes on, "You keep lying to everyone saying that you're just fine, but yesterday's and today's results tell a completely different story. It's not just your poor performances in practice, you're more jumpy and jittery than usual, and you just seem so out of it. Everyone is worried about you...especially me."

After a few moments of silence, Mihashi replies with, "I-I'm sorry."

"I don't need an apology! I need to know what's wrong!"

Abe cringes, realizing he just yelled at Mihashi, but shortly afterwards seeing that he finally got Mihashi to crack, thanks himself.

"I-I...don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? I can't help you if you don't tell me anything."

With tears starting to form in his eyes, Mihashi replies with, "I...just woke up...feeling bad."

After taking a moment to sigh, Abe says, "Elaborate. You told me yesterday and earlier today that you weren't feeling sick or tired."

"I...half-lied..."

 _At least he's being honest about lying to me,_ Abe thinks with mild frustration.

"I am tired...but it's not b-because of exams."

"Okay then, why are you tired?"

Once again taking a moment to respond, "B-bad...thoughts."

Now Abe has to take a moment to process what Mihashi said. "Bad thoughts?"

Before Abe could say more, Mihashi jumps in with a stuttering and anxious voice, "Um! I-I don't know...why but they just...came. And they...won't go away."

"What kind of thoughts?" Abe asks, wanting to get straight to the point.

Mihashi seemingly won't reply, so Abe takes a shot. (A/N: FUCK for the second time I'm typing this, I almost typed shit again lol)

"Are the bad thoughts about Mihoshi or something?"

Shaking his head, Mihashi takes a deep breath to calm himself, albeit only a little, and says, "N-Not exactly..."

Despite wanting to press further, Abe stays quiet and lets Mihashi take his time.

"I-I'm scared...to say..." The tears increase and finally start falling.

Mihashi looks like he's just barely holding himself together.

Becoming slightly more concerned than he already was, Abe decides to butt in, "You can tell me. I'm not gonna get mad." he says trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

 _He's not gonna get mad_ , Mihashi tries to tell himself, but it doesn't really work. In fact, it only serves to make his tears fall faster.

"I...*hic*...I'm not...good enough..."

Abe, ready to fire back with a 'Yes you are!' is interrupted by Mihashi broken voice.

"And! I...I know you...and the team tell me...that I am. I-I want to...believe you...but my m-mind won't...let me..."

Covering his face with his hands, he continues, "I'm...not a good *hic* person, I'm a selfish...j-jerk, I still...get scared e-easily..." _Stop._ "I s-still stutter...I don't *hic* pitch...fast enough, don't even l-look cool w-when I do..." _Shut up._ "I-I-I....l-like...a guy..." _Please._ "I still c-can't call you...by your...first name..." _Stop it._ "I-I'm not any better...*hic*...than I was i-in Mihoshi..." _I don't think that at all!  
_

Mihashi then stops talking, not wanting to say anymore, trying and failing miserably to contain his sobs.

 _Ren._ Abe has seen Mihashi cry before him plenty of times and talk down on himself, but something about right now is more alarming and tugs hard at his heart. The face Mihashi is making is more lost and desperate, making it obvious that he's scared.

Immediately feeling the need to hold his hand, Abe acts upon that feeling and grabs Mihashi's pitching hand from his face.

Mihashi is initially startled by the action, but ever so slightly melts into his touch. He's still in a state of distress and crying his eyes out.

Abe then thinks back to when he first held Mihashi's hand like this, trying to calm him down after Mihoshi arrived for their first practice game. Abe was memorising each and every callus and blister Mihashi had, realizing the amount of practice and hard work Mihashi put in to getting his good control. The thought of him not getting recognized by his own team for his efforts brought tears to Abe's eyes.

_I was somehow able to console him back then, but now there's no root of his problem._

Back to the present, Abe takes a better look at Mihashi's face and sees noticable signs of exhaustion. He has slight dark circles under his eyes and his skin is slightly paler than usual.

"How long have you been feeling like this?" Abe asks.

Taking a breath to calm his breath so he can speak properly, Mihashi replies, "T-T-Two days...I c-couldn't...really sleep well."

Not sure if he should repeat his actions from a year ago or do something else, he chooses to just go with the flow of his mind and say anything to calm Mihashi down.

"Ren." He doesn't continue until he looks in his direction. Pain strikes him when Mihashi doesn't attempt to look him in the eye.

He continues regardless, "I told you before and I'll tell you as many times as you need: You are a good pitcher. You are good enough to be the ace."

Before Mihashi could object, he goes on,"And I've told you before that I'm not saying it just to make you feel better. I'm telling you the truth. I told you it's okay to be selfish, that doesn't make you a jerk!" He began raising his voice, and tears began to gather in his eyes knowing that Mihashi thinks these things about himself, but is too focused on Mihashi to care.

"You're right, you haven't changed that much by now, but you've changed! You've stopped stuttering as much and you look people in the eyes more when you talk to them! Your pitches will get faster! We'll work on getting them faster and keeping your good control! And what the hell do mean you don't look cool when pitching? You look amazing!"

Abe wanted to say more, but got choked up by his tears and the only thing to come out is a sob.

 _Dammit, why am **I** crying!? I'm not the one who's feeling horrible right now, _ Abe thinks while furiously trying to wipe his tears but failing.

Mihashi, who's tears had slowed down and was silent during Abe's heartfelt rant, was surprised by everything Abe said. But Abe was nowhere near finished.

"You are a good person! It's okay for you to like a guy, it's okay for you to want to get better, to feel frustrated with yourself...it's okay..."

With tears still falling from his face, slightly less than a moment ago, he releases Mihashi's hand and reaches for his face, making Mihashi's hazel eyes look directly into his green-grey eyes.

"I love you...just the way you are...," Abe says in a broken voice.

Mihashi's eyes widened so much they reached his eyebrows. Abe, slightly embarrassed by his confession, continues to talk while hiding his face in Mihashi's shoulder and holding him by the waist. He notices how he's grown a couple inches taller than he already was compared to Mihashi and takes note of how scrawny Mihashi is comapred to him. _Gotta make him eat more_ , he thinks to himself.

"Ren, you're perfect just the way you are. You are a good pitcher, a good ace, my ace!"

If, for some reason, Mihashi's face wasn't red from Abe's proclamation of love earlier, then it definitely is from his possessive statement: 'My ace!'

Mihashi was amazed by how greatly Abe's words affected him. Overwhelmed by all the emotion he was feeling at once, he started crying again, and clenched his hands in Abe's shirt.

Abe, alarmed by the sound of him crying, lifts his head from Mihashi's shoulder to ask what's wrong, only to be silenced by the sight before him.

Only one light was left on in the room, letting the light from the sunset shine better on Mihashi's face. The tears seemed to shine on his face. His hazel eyes looked even more stunning than usual and held so much emotion. The biggest kicker was the smile he wore. A smile that rivaled the brightness of the sun.

 _I've seen Ren smile before_ , Abe thinks to himself while trying to recover from being temporarily blinded,  _after I got injured during the Bijou-Daisayama game, but something about this smile is...different. It's hard to explain._

The cherry on top, however, was what Mihashi said, "Thank you, Takaya."

Now it was Abe's turn to become a tomato. Not only did Mihashi say his first name with no hesitation whatsoever, but he said it in such a soft and loving voice.

No longer able to resist the urge, Abe leaned foward and lightly pressed his lips to Mihashi's.

Mihashi, though initially surprised, relaxed almost immediately and kissed him back.

The kiss didn't last for long, but long enough. Once they separated, Abe hid his face in Mihashi's hair and thought to himself,  _I don't think my heart can handle this._ Mihashi, thinking the same thing, hides his face in Abe's shoulder.

"You're welcome." Abe says in response to the 'thank you' from a minute ago. "I meant everything I said, you know. Everyone does. We're not necessarily nice people, we're just telling you the truth." he says in a stern yet caring voice.

"N'kay." Mihashi says to let Abe know he's listening.

"Don't try and keep stuff like that bottled up. You'll only end up feeling worse than if you did speak up."

"Kay...I'm sorry."

After a moment of thinking, Abe says, "I'll accept your apology if you tell me 1) You won't ever let it get this bad again and 2) I love you".

Backing away to look at Mihashi's face, he sees his face turn beet red in a matter of seconds. Mihashi looks ready to faint, but does as Abe asks anyway.

"I-I won't do something like that ever again and...I-I...love you..."

He heard him, just barely, and immediately squeezes Mihashi in a hug.

"I love you too."

Giving Mihashi one more peck to the lips, he gets their things together and walks Mihashi home.

The next day, Abe demonstrates the results of his efforts to the team with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! I honestly didn't think I'd get back into writing fanfics, but I doubt I'll do it that often since the first two couple of times I attempted to do that, I failed. But I'm really proud of this, it's better than my previous works, and anybody that's read them will know (though it's not a large amount of people that probably has). Anyways, let me know what you think in the comments.


End file.
